Mandog Monthly, Daily

  2025 has been unkind to many of us, but we're here, we have arrived and we are full of spite and fury. Now that the end of the year is nigh let us take in the few blessings the year has imparted onto us and cast out the curses and haunts that the year has burdened upon us. Look to your friends, your family, and even those poor, unfortunate foes of yours, and lift them up into 2026 so that we may all carry on together. It might have been a rough one, but there are many a things I am grateful for from this year, and nearly every single one of them are the lots of you here with me. Mandog Month is all about me, celebrating the best and worst aspects of myself, embodying all the things it means to be The Mandog, but Mandog Day is about all of you, because I wouldn't even remotely be the awful gremlin I am without you. So go out and celebrate the end of this year, the start of the next one, and all of yourselves today, Mandog Month Day 31, Being The Mandog. I love you all, and I l...

  We have prepared, we have feasted, we have scrempt, and most importantly, we have sinned. As this month, and indeed the year, comes to a close we have one last thing to do to get the most out of our time, we must sin beyond all sinning. Sin with your actions, sin with your thoughts, sin with your inactions, sin with your words, sin with your illegally harvested second self that you have ripped from the timestream as the chronomatic beings passed by in the night, sin with your soul. Combine all the sins together, those real and fictitious, and achieve the ever coveted Omni-sin. Go beyond the act of sinning and fully embody sin in totality today, Mandog Month Day 30, Becoming Sin Itself.

  You have to care in life, care about your friends, your family, your planet, your health, the local fauna, the chronometric beings that carry time to its exact center and unmarch time and reality backwards so that the universe can continue existing, and you should even care about balancing your finances. So inevitably today's sin we celebrate is Apathy. So who cares. Celebrate today, or don't, whatever. Mandog Month Day 29, Exhibiting Apathy.

  Breathe in, close your eyes, count backwards from five, breathe out, and release every ounce of anger in your body, release it into your surroundings, into your peers, into the heavens themselves. Fell the floodgates of your fury upon your foes fervently forevermore. Let nothing know peace from your animosity, scream at a squirrel until it explodes, punch a hole through the next car who drives a little too close to you, rend a hole in the very fabric of reality so that it may fold in on itself and replicate your ire endlessly, even allow yourself the be the subject of your own rage. Burn bright the fury of your angers and share it with all today, Mandog Month Day 28, Unleashing Unending Rages.

  There is a limit to all things, how far somethings can be taken, but that limit is often artificially shortened by societal means. This day of Sin Week we shall, however, shed ourselves of that limit and take things as far as they can be taken, and yet further still. Overstep, overconsume, overwhelm. If you treat yourself to cake, eat five whole ones. If you get into an argument, research every aspect of their life and make sure they feel true, abject terror because you make every waking moment a living hell so they may never disagree with you again. If you go on a date, turn that date straight into a wedding. Any and everything you do today you must overdo, for today is Mandog Month Day 27, Taking Things Too Far.

  We have made it once again to the most highly anticipated times of all of the most anticipated times, we have hid our wrongdoings from reality itself, we have changed ourselves to be kinder and more gracious, we have done everything to fool the vigilant glare of the crimson judge, but now that old man kringle is in recovery from the long night we can now free ourselves from inhibitions and sin freely. Welcome my loves, to another Sin Week. To live without fear of judgement is to be free. Today we shall free ourselves of the burden of truth and honesty. Far too long we have been shackled to stating things as factually as possible, NO LONGER! Today we shall fabricate, alter, and deceive to our hearts truest content. Tell your wife she looks great in that Temu dress. Tell your boss that you've finished the MacLoneie Files, but he was the one who misplaced it. Tell the fed that you have no idea what happened to the two kilograms of gold krugerrands that went missing from the old raci...

  The warmth of the year wanes, the light of the day is near its shortest it will be, and the strife of life is ever present, but we persist non-the-less. It is through our love for one another that we persist, we bring warmth to our community, light up the world for one another, and make the strife just a bit more bearable. May you all be full of community, love, and some good-ass food this Christmas, and all the holidays this season (even if some may have already passed). Celebrate and be merry with all your traditions new, old, and imaginary, today on Mandog Month Day 25, Festing the Festivities.

  pation. Life is full of waiting, waiting for friends to be ready, waiting for food to finish cooking, waiting for your interdimensional rival to reform from their fragmentation the last time you dueled so that you could show off your recently acquired (fake) self-sword. Waiting is a skill that is worth developing, luckily it is a skill you can develop by not doing anything, so work on getting better at waiting by waiting away today, Mandog Month Day 24, Waiting to Anticipate.

  As we begin the 24th Day of Mandog Month I hope you are all brimming with antici

  You gotta take care of your teeth, brush them multiple times a day, floss at least nightly, allow the night terror lampreys to feast on the day horror microbes that accumulated on them, and generally just make sure they're healthy,, but why though? You keep them healthy so you can do one of the truly fundamental acts of being alive, biting. You keep yourself alive by biting your food, you fend off attackers who have wrapped their arms about you to disable your arms by biting their arms, you show tender love and affection by biting the ever-loving death out of your nearest and dearest. Literally physically biting is not the only way to bite, you can make the most out of your day by taking a bite out of life, you can do your civil part by taking a bite out of crime, you could even further your professional and/or political career by taking a bite out of your, and your peers', responsibilities. However and whatever you wish to bite, bite it with all your might today, Mandog Mont...

  Skills, expertise, precision, "Damn, he nice!", however you want to refer to it people want to be good at everything they do, but many people either don't realize or try to forget one of the most important steps at being good at something, being bad at it. Before Wayne Gretzky set an untouchable points record, you bet your sweet bottom he sucked at hockey. Before Katie Ledecky broke her own world records multiple times, she probably was awful at swimming. Before "Goliath Hands" Hank Hormbunt broke 27 jaws in a single day of Slap Slam Royal '21 he had the world's worst, on record, slap ever. No matter how good you are at something you were booty-cheeks at it, so if you want to start being good at something let yourself be bad at it, it's just important to start. So suck it up and suck at something today, Mandog Month Day 22, Doing Something You Suck At.

  The day is short and so is this post. Enjoy the Solstice and do things backwards and forwards today, Mandog Month Day 21, Chilling with Palindromes.

  Three-eighths of your life, on average, is spent sleeping it away. Yet somehow you always seem to need just a little bit more, so go ahead and sleep more. Get all of the sleep you need for the rest of the year right here and now. Invent a time machine that puts all of the world into a stasis of time so that you can sleep for twenty-seven years straight, because you deserve a little nap. Slip into a sleep so deep that the badger who resides over the Realm of Sleep carries you back to reality after you have slipped beyond comprehension. Show up the NASA Sleep cycle and sleep every other second so that you could both be fully rested and fully active at every moment. Do any and everything you can to obtain all of the sleep the world has to offer you and more, today, Mandog Month Day 20, Stealing Sleep.

  There are a full twenty-four hours in every day, with some notable exceptions (Daylight Savings, Mayhem Hour, and June 22nd), so why should you not use every single hour available to you in the day? If you finish all of your tasks by noon you've wasted half of the day, and now you got all this time to try to fill again. Instead do everything you need to do, just a whole. lot. slower. The finish line comes at the end of a race for a reason, so finish what you need to do at the end of the day. So hurry up and slow down, take your time, and finish doing what needs to be done at the verrrry end of today, Mandog Month Day 19, Procrastinating Like a Pro.

  Usually in our lives we make the most out of everything we do, executing every little task, every responsibility, every moment to the fullest of our abilities, but sometimes you just have to do just enough to get by. Just getting through the whole day is a lot to ask when you're going through it, but if you just tackle it a little at a time, in fact since you started reading this post, if you decided properly to read quite slowly, it has taken you at least fifteen second, which, when you think about it is roughly thirty-seconds, which is statistically basically a minute, and if you want to fudge the numbers you can call that a clean five, you just have to do that two hundred more times (less the later you decide to start reading this. It doesn't just have to be the day you're trying to get through today, whatever it is, just get through it. Long work day? Get through it. Shitty date where they keep making the same joke over and over trying to rouse that same pity laugh yo...

  Last month, or earlier in other parts of the world, we had celebrated our giving of thanks, gathering and letting everyone know what we are thankful for, here at the end of the year we must now celebrate what we make others thankful for. There are a many ways to make others thankful: jump start a stranger's car before they even ask, fulfill your coworker's projects, steal from the bank that aggressively overcharged a friend for withdrawing money at the ATM. Do everything you can to make others thankful for you today on Mandog Month Day 17, Thanks Taking.

  Life itself has a base level requirement of a few things that a lack thereof would cause a complete cease of function: air, water, food, and most importantly of all, attention. Not getting enough of any one of these is enough to take your life, but only a lack of attention could kill your body and soul. From birth we have honed skills for the sole purpose of garnering the necessary life-bearing amounts of attention. One path to attention that many, myself included, may have never considered, is to simply ask for your attention. Tell your loved ones you want them to talk to you. Inform your enemies to confront you at their nearest (in)convenience. Let the world know that you are in a deficit of attention and you need every single person to stare deeply into your very essence so you may achieve a critical mass required to ascend into Attention Valhalla. However much attention you require today, let us know, on Mandog Month Day 16, Asking For Attention.

  Psst, hey, did you hear, nearly eighty percent of every secret is shared with someone it isn't supposed to be within the first three days of being told the secret in the first place? So who are we to deny the very nature of things, go out and spread those secrets, let them roam free like they were meant to be. Tell someone about your mother-in-law's illegal poker/fight club. Anonymously post online about how your neighbor's hidden third family he hides behind the trick walls of his son's tree house. Let the world know about that time your grandma stole the president's wallet when she met him in 1941 as a part of her book tour that brought her to his home town. Heck, share one of your own secrets, like the time you cheated on your driver's test by having a camera installed into your sunglasses that allowed a professional F1 driver to see what they were doing when they would control your movements remotely via muscle stimulators lined over every inch of your bod...

  One of the first things humanity developed once we sprung up out of the deep, endless oceans is a unerring sense of bonding. Bonding with one another to form societies so that we, as a species, may begin to thrive and flourish, but beyond that we have an ineffable urge to pack bond with everything else around us. So we, shortly after coming into existence, have tamed and bonded with dogs. Dogs and humanity are inexorably linked, and so we must celebrate them. Celebrate each and every dog in your life. The dog you have had since your childhood, who has grown up with you and is now and old-man puppy with an old man face and an old man temperament. CELEBRATE! That brand new, chews on everything in sight and pees three times their own body-weight little puppy your significant other bought without consulting you? CELEBRATE! That, likely, racist dog that barks his head off at any person who's two shades darker than white bread fresh out of the bag? CELEBRATE, but from a distance, it lo...

  Today is a day dedicated to luck of all the seven types, to recap for those forgetting they are: Good Luck, Bad Luck, Neutral Luck, Good Luck That Leads to Misfortune, Bad Luck That Works Out Fine, Extremely Bad Luck, and Being So Fortunate to be Born Michael Mondok. No matter which luck befalls you today, may you be overwhelmed by that luck. Lean into the fate that the fortunes deal to you on this day. Good Luck? Go out and buy a lottery ticket. Bad Luck? Bet against yourself so when you lose you still win. Neutral Luck? Yes. Good -> Misfortune? Learn when to fold em. Bad -> Fine? Do something dumb. Extremely Bad Luck? Try to drag everyone down with you. Luck #7? Watch out, because if you were born as me, that means we have a paradox on our hands and, by paradox-law, must fight to the death using plastic cutlery, meet me at the furniture store precisely at sun down and make sure to wear a rain poncho, preferably in red. Make the most of your luck today, Mandog Month Day 13...

There are a great many a virtues one must live life with not only for the sake of your fellow man, but to have a full and rewarding life for yourself. To be brave, face down your own fears, standing up for what is right, and to defend others. To be wise, know what is right from what is wrong, to learn from your mistakes, and to seek knowledge by sharing what we know with each other. To be generous, give as much as you can spare, help those you see in need, share your blessings with others and watch them multiply. There is one virtue, however, many overlook for a misunderstanding of the nature of this virtue, to hate. Hate may seem the opposite of a virtue, but only because it is being wielded selfishly and not with purpose to improv the lives of humanity. To be hating, seek vengeance on those who wrong you and those around you, belittle and shame those who seek only to live for themselves at the cost of others, tear down and mock the ones who hold value not in others but their possessi...

  Three-eighths of your life, on average, is spent sleeping it away. Yet somehow there will always be days where you don't get enough, be it one hour, four hours, or twenty-two, it just isn't quite enough to get you rested and ready for the day to come. Sorry, I fell half asleep there for a second, um. I. Where? Uhh.... Oh yeah, sleep, life is made just that much harder when you're deprived of sleep, but it is inevitable to happen some days. So try to get a nap or caffeine, maybe just hope you can manage through your responsibilities as a living zombie. Any way you can carry on, do what you can today on Mandog Month Day 11, Being Endlessly Sleepy.

  In early Spring we get together to prank one another in the name of being a fool, Shout out to The April Fool Marlon Dale Barnes Jr. . A mere two-hundred fifty-three days later is the much lesser known, December Fool's Day. Pulling pranks, spreading hoaxes, and generally tricking others is much easier on this foolings day with your victims being so utterly unsuspecting. Bring your coworkers a batch of Caramel Covered Onions, pretend you're calling from prison, actually break your leg and fake faking an injury for that beautiful double gotcha. Prank your loved ones in every possible conceivable manner you could think of as you celebrate today, Mandog Month Day 10, Acting the December Fool.

  In the days of yore things would only exist in separate states; cookies, cream, ebony, ivory, Turner, Hooch; but then one day the Ampersand was invented. Forged from the deepest depths of the Grammar Mines, the world finally got its first conjunction, now things could be joined together, no longer did we exist as monoliths now we live united. Since that day many other conjunctions have been lovingly crafted by the Grammar Smiths, and while some come close (I'm looking at you and/or) none have the majestic beauty of the ampersand. To honor this most wonderful of inventions go and combine things that have never been put together, eat Steak & Tofu, sing some Rap & Gergorian Chants, wear a Monacle & Cowboy Boots, do everything together today, Mandog Month Day 9, Adding Ampersands!

  Throughout our lives we will make decisions that will impact our entire lives, these decisions must be contemplated at a great length to weigh the options and ramifications of these decisions, but where's the fun in that? Not only is it less fun to think through your actions carefully, it also wastes so much time, imagine how much more life you could have lived if you didn't hesitate before doing something because you weren't sure whether or not it was the right choice? You could do three times as many things by simply just choosing to do rather than waiting to know if it's the correct option, that's practically like living two extra entire lives, so what if one or two of them end up being full of the entirely wrong decisions, you got enough tries at it that you basically have a full life lived with the right choice. Need to get a new car but you aren't sure which car gets the right-, doesn't matter just buy it. Do you finance it at a six year rate or a te...

  As many disciples of the blade are aware, one of our most beloved Sword Divines, Iorin, has vanished in early March leaving a vacuum within the ranks that has been felt beyond the followers of the Seven. If you have felt more timid, unsure, or meek through this year, it is likely because the Brazen One was missing and thus his blessings were not to be found. This morning, on the day of the Visitation of the Seven Sword Divines, an acrid, thick, and peppery smoke has risen from the halls of the Lower Council of Blades indicating that a replacement, if only temporary, has been chosen. Ascending to his new position as the newest Sword Divine is Agnoppi , The Belligerent One, an artisan of aggression and self-assuredness. To mark this occasion let us become as Agnoppi, do not abide those who wish to take advantage of you, know your worth and expect more than you deserve, do not fear being hated for who you are or what you do, in fact embrace the concept of being a villain to those wh...

  MM6 Minimum

Through the course of your life you use what can be broken down to seven distinct volumes, as someone with a history in music it's easiest for me to categorize this in music terms, Pianissimo, Piano, Mezzo-Piano, Mezzo-Forte, Forte, Fortissimo, and FUCKIN OW! Pianissimo would be a very low whisper, quiet enough that only someone very close to you can hear, uses would be in a library, church, or during a movie if you are such a person that talks but isn't quite rude enough to talk loudly enough for other patrons to hear. Piano is a normal whisper, one that could be heard within a small group, with uses such as in a classroom, or some light gossip with coworkers about your manager and their third ex-wife taking their boat funds in the divorce and using it to buy their new, young lover his first suit. Mezzo-Piano is the quiet end of your normal speaking voice, what could colloquially be known as your inside voice, something that would be used talking about that same manager when ...

  Weebster's Dictionary describes love as "A status move that lasts five turns and reduces all incoming damage done by physical moves to two-thirds." To live a full life we must love fully, and what love is more pure than a love for one's own self. There are a great many ways to show love to yourself, but by far the easiest one I have found is to look at a reflective surface, any reflective surface, such as a mirror, a puddle, a window, a spoon, someone else's eyes, even a hypothesized reflective surface within your owns mind's eye, and get completely lost in your own reflection like a modern-day Narcissus. Polish your mirrors, stare intently and deeply, and show yourself such a deep-seated love that any potential partners, past-present-future, will seethe with jealousy as you celebrate today, Mandog Month Day 4, Reflective Reflections.

  A few hundred millennia ago man came into being, and we have since been shaped and formed by our time on Earth. When we first stepped foot on the lands we had 87 hands, each meant for the 87 different tasks hands were made to do. In the long history of humanity these tasks became superfluous or outright ceased to be needed, such as holding a hand on the light stone keeping it light so that it may drive out the dark and keep the nightmare beings formed within the shadows at bay. A number of our hands stopped being a part of our form due to the eventual change of their shape to the current five-fingered hands featuring the ever coveted thumb. Being able to full grasp an object with the use of a single object meant the tiny supporting hand with their single, sharply clawed finger were no longer necessary, we could now hold things such as each other's hands without involving extra appendages, a task that is still of the highest importance and one of the three true callings that hands...

  To compete is to put the entirety of yourself into winning, however victory often requires more than you are to achieve. Throughout your life there is a finite skillset you can possibly hone among all the skills you pursue, and you most hone these skills as finely as possible, but understand that sometimes, often, really almost all the time you must go beyond your limits if you wish to be the very best out there. I'm not going to sit here and tell you to cheat, or to lie, or steal, or bribe, or hinder, or create a plethora of pitfalls and/or booby traps for your opponents for the sake of winning, but I am saying that some to all of these things might be required of you. You don't have to act beyond your morals, but maybe just bend them a little, you can always lie to yourself, or maybe learn how to do things you are uncomfortable with by not knowing you're even doing them. Winning must remain the ultimate goal, through means of bettering yourself or otherwise, as we celeb...

Greetings, Bienvenue, and Hey What's Up? To my dearest friends, my deepest belothed, my newest of acquaintances, and to those confused strangers who happen to be passing by. It's time. Happy Thirty-Seventh Annual Mandog Month!   On this day, thirty-seven years ago, across the lands was heralded the coming of one so great, one so majestic, one so utterly conceited they will spend every December posting in great length in celebration of themselves. Every year since we have spent these long days preparing for the worst, hoping for the best, and lying to ourselves over which one is which. As the year comes to a close we must remember to remain ever vigilant lest we lose not only our way, but our sense of self, our discernable form, our quantum displaced omniscience, or even a few dollars. May your preparations be fully girded to all possibilities and may you make the most of Mandog Month Day 1, Be Prepared!